please do not forget me.
4:12 PM. 1 Oct., 2002
Sad are the ghosts that haunt me.
And so pale, always pale.
I've taken my place on the hardwood floor beneath the west window. Back to the wall. Face to the east. I don't think I will eat tonight. There are ghosts in the hall.
The unseasonably warm weather had lifted my spirits the last few days. I mowed the lawn. Took the car to the wash. I even spent some time with friends the weekend before. We had a cookout at the lake, drank a few cold ones, swapped jokes. I remember laughing at a few of them. It felt good, like water on a parched throat.
But the north wind sort of slipped in overnight, leaving behind little trace of summer. I woke to a world of frost. And as usual, the change of seasons tore me in two.
So here I am today, with the clouds. The kind that curtain the sky just enough to deaden the light. The clouds and I reciprocate an eternal grey, almost a mirror image, but I envy them for the pervasive sunlight that only they can feel.
If only for a little longer...
12:02 AM. 7 Nov., 2002
I wake in the dead of night to the eerie sensation of fingers trailing down my legs. My blood freezes solid. Again, contact. My skin tenses in revulsion, and I remove the covers from my bed, searching. Nothing. But in the near-silence, I... I had forgotten to turn on the fan before I slept. I always need the white noise to block out...
Tonight I can hear the wailing.
It pierces my heart like a knife. Unable to groan audibly, I shed my tears in silence, weakened by a voiceless sob. Terrified and anguished, I reach for the lightswitch. I assume this is another night that will see little rest.
11:20 PM. 11 Nov., 2002
"Save me save me save me save me..."
10:01 AM. 2 Feb., 2003
The world changed this morning. Ice on the sidewalk, clouds in the sky. The snow falls like so many stars. But it is not a bleak, hopeless snow. And I smile an honest smile, less bitter now than sweet.
I've decided not to wait anymore.
"My dear friend, I write this to you with a heavy heart. I won't stay any longer. Don't be concerned for me this time. Where I go, I cannot say, but I think I will not return. Wish me well, and if we never meet again, please do not forget me.
Godspeed my journey."
© 2003 jesse michael renaud